Supporting Toddler Independence!
I felt it might be helpful to explain why it is essential to help young children develop independence. When you think about it, from the moment of birth, the child is an independent learner, capable of many things. Take, for instance, the newborn baby who crawls up their mother's chest in search of the breast with dogged determination. Who has taught the child to do this? No one, for it is instinct. Likewise, let us consider the child who, out of nowhere, starts crawling or stands up and walks away, choosing to explore and interact with their environment independently.
The purpose of education is to educate a child for life.
Too often, I see children treated as if they are incapable. Well-meaning and often time-poor parents, as well as the ultimate culprit —grandparents! —are doing many things for them that they could do for themselves. This sends a powerful message to our developing young children that they cannot trust themselves. They are incompetent. For me, independence in the context of our ‘zest for life’ toddlers is a dance—a positive interaction between two human beings.
When we slow down and allow a child autonomy, choice making and independence, we indicate to them that they are powerful. They are worthy and skilled individuals deserving of our trust and respect. Do you remember what it was like when you were younger and an adult would just 'take over' abruptly, making us feel somehow less than and powerless? It wasn’t cool!
Nurturing independence creates a clear definition of self.
It builds deep within the psyche, growing self-confidence and self-esteem, and critically allows us the space to trust ourselves and our intuition. It slowly and organically cultivates the will.
Brushing teeth, choosing clothes and getting dressed, it is during the mundane, not the grand gestures, that creates an opportunity for our toddlers to be independent, embedding it into their lives in a meaningful way. Being able to get a glass of water or an appropriate snack is empowering. It’s responding to a need to take care of oneself and taking responsibility for one's life. Dedicating a shelf in the pantry where they can access food, chosen previously by an adult, creates freedom within limits and promotes decision-making, a critical life skill. Even a small infant can make choices regarding their life; I’ve witnessed this myself!
Have we not all witnessed or known a grown adult who has not yet blossomed into maturity, with all its prerequisites? Yes, fully grown, they may be physically, but what about mentally? Lacking in attributes such as responsibility and self-management? Or who doesn’t know how to organise their schedule or wash their own clothes, having never been given the opportunity to practice these life skills?
Being dependent creates helplessness. It's disempowering. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy that you can't do something for yourself so why even bother trying?
But!
Listen up!
Toddlers LOVE doing things for themselves! I challenge you to witness the sheer delight and utter joy of a young child who masters something on their own. What a treat! It is life-affirming. Conclusive evidence that you are enough. You are solid. You know what you are doing.
Pride, self-confidence and a firm belief in self are therefore intrinsic; it's built in because -
..That’s all you've ever known 🫶
